@Cravin4

I’m so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note.
“Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us.”

You Might Also Like

@mom_ontherocks

My husband makes coffee for me every morning even when we’re fighting. Consider this evidence if I ever die by poison.

@TheBoydP

Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.

@Peauxtassium

This guy keeps buying me drinks and talking to me as if I’ll go home with him just because we’re married

@rolldiggity

Sick of all these Santa apologists. A HOME INVASION IS A HOME INVASION.

@badbanana

Just realized I only had one meal today. One, thirteen-hour meal.

@manfishj

I hope the guy who invented Autocorrect burns in hello!!

@brandonIee

Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked

@itsrealTED

“I need a boyfriend” No, you WANT a boyfriend. You NEED water, cause you sound thirsty.