My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening.
I’m so hungover. My sweat is pure tequila. A mosquito landed on me and now I think it’s drunk. It’s texting its ex.
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Apparently you can’t have a normal conversation with someone these days if you haven’t seen ‘game of thrones’ or ‘stranger things’
today a customer had to wait for blonde roast and he’d had to wait yesterday too and i was like “so sorry this is happening again” and he turned his phone to me and i was like oh no he’s on the phone with head office but he was showing me a video of a rat taking a shower
7yo: Mom, did you really lose my tooth?
Me: I’m going to be completely hones-
7: *begins crying*
Me: Daddy did. He totally did.
Cashier: And how are you today?
Me: Incandescent with rage. You?
I have decided to take a martial arts class to deal with the mall’s aggressive kiosk people.
Men don’t use the Internet. Don’t believe me women? Go check your man’s search history. Guarantee it’s empty.
no chill in the bubble kingdom
Me: if I’m not superman then explain THIS! *rips shirt open*
Her: um you’re not wearing the costume
Me: pretty strong though