British websites use biscuits.
I’m so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I’d assume it was because I spilled something on it
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How to answer the door:
1. See person has arrived
2. Wait for doorbell
3. Count to five
4. Open and act surprised
*pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand*
Booth operator: ma’am please not again
Me: someBODY once tolled me—
[ bad kitty ]
me: cut it out
me: stop it
me: knock it off
cat: now we’re talking
*hears robber in house*
If anybody is there.. I have Updog & I’m not afraid to use it.
Not too much haha you?
So society’s *real* key workers have just been revealed.
Not the bankers. Not the traders. Not the elite hedge fund managers.
It’s the nurses. The doctors. The delivery drivers. The carers. The porters. The teachers. The shelf stackers. The check out staff.
Fact: men are never too busy for sex. It’s been clinically proven, 9 out of 10 men will find time for sex while fleeing a burning building.
I’d rather listen to Chewbacca get a bikini wax than listen to Pitbull’s music
being in a club at my age feels more like i’m being set-up for an episode of “To Catch a Predator”
I always read my wife’s Horoscope to see what kind of day I’M going to have.