For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage “Wonderwall” on acoustic guitar and release him back to you
“I’m so over you.”
– A blanket.
You Might Also Like
A jerk is like a bad movie. You know within 5 minutes.
Recipes call for an item that isn’t used much and the grocery story only has 40 pound bags of it for $7000.
At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: “you have a dog?” Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein.
#SometimesForFun I update signs at work
A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.
Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
I admire goats because I also eat garbage and scream at people
Time flies when a falcon steals your wristwatch.
Horton hears a who
Horton hears a what
Horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady
Horton is listening to Eminem