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@causticbob: I'm so pro-life,
I believe life begins at erection.
@Peauxtassium: I’ve always taught my children that no matter what race or religion, all good looking people deserve respect.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: OMG I'm so wet.
Me: *hands her roll of paper towels*
@TheCatWhisprer: Curling seems like the kind of game Mr. Miyagi would’ve made up to trick Daniel into cleaning his floors.
@CantWaitToNap: Seriously, calm down. I backed into you by accident.
Him: You hit me three times!
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich