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@GreyDeLisle: "I'm so tired of that little piece of cheese."
-My gramma, talking about SpongeBob
@Fuqyoupayme: If school isn't the place to sleep, then home isn't the place to study.
@_steamy_mac: Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.
@partlyfunny: Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?
@david8hughes: Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas
Boss: it's May
Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas
@sixfootcandy: My husband got barbecue sauce on my mom’s favorite white tablecloth. For five whole minutes I wasn’t the biggest disappointment in her life.