@WheelTod: BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society? Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.

@notabeanie: DOC: good news is you'll make it ME: phew! DOC: ...into the the record book for stupidest way to die ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*

@little_hansel: What idiot called it Oktoberfest instead of Octo-Bar?

@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room

@SortaBad: If you get a tattoo with words, and there is a misspelling, just get a red squiggly line added underneath it and everything's cool