@WhatTheFFacts
Boxer Sugar Ray dreamt of killing his opponent and backed out, but a priest convinced him to fight, he ended up killing the opponent.
@murrman5
“I’m sorry but it’s only 7 items or less in the dressing rooms”
[octopus glove shopping] “this is unacceptable”
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@WhatTheFFacts
@Scarlet_Wiitch
When they bring the bill at the bar and you’re too drunk to count😂
@ThugRaccoons
Me: What do you call a tailor that only alters pants? A slacker.
Cop: Please exercise your right to remain silent.
@AlexvanBeek
Murder is like art, as long as you can bullshit your way into justifying it, someone out there will be like “oh yeah, I totally get it.”
@caithuls
Got kicked out of karate class for kicking people out of karate class
@HansGrubertron
[Jurassic Park]
JOHN HAMMOND: We’ve spared no expense!
ACCOUNTANT: There are no backup generators and you’ve hired 5 employees to run an entire island
JOHN HAMMOND: I meant on the dinosaurs
@Midgetspar
After 9 months and 347 pics of you being pregnant you REALLY only need to post one pic of the baby as proof.
We believe you.
@SteveSuckington
Some people call me space cowboy. Some call me gangster of love.
This one guy calls me Maurice. He sucks at giving nicknames.
@TheIronSherk
I can’t believe how different life was before
*googles*
Al Gore invented the Internet
@FINALLEVEL
ICE Cold Fact: If somebody owes you money… Put on your mask and pop up at their crib right now… They’re Home.