i wish i had a cute laugh but instead i sound like a dying seal
I’m sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn’t have had a hairless hamster for a baby.
You Might Also Like
Mom asked me if I would pick up some things for her at the ‘Dime Store’, great, now I’ve got to go all the way to the 70s.
Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, “YES!”
OPEN UP. THIS IS THE POLICE. THANK YOU. CAN WE USE YOUR BATHROOM
the difference between cupcakes and your opinion is that I asked for cupcakes
him: I loved Captain Marvel.
me: Me too!
him: What was your favorite part?
me: *sweating* The uhhh…marveling
i wonder if fewer people would eat Rabbit Stew if it was instead called Bunny Rabbit Stew.
*wakes up after all night party*
How did I get on this escalator?
This Prius we rented is pretty sweet. It can go 0-60 in 6 hours.
America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it’s the greatest country on earth.