@Vodkantots

I’m starting to think the other moms might not like my nicknames for their kids.

You Might Also Like

@chris_isloi

Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell “SPOILER ALERT!”

@Kids_kubed

9yo: (mouths off to me)

Me:

Hubs: You’re not doing anything? At least take his iPad away.

Me: Patience

(1 hour later)

9yo: Mom! My iPad’s dead, where’s the charger?

Me: What charger?

Hubs: Nice one.

@taylortomlinson

Somebody texted me “What are you doing?” and I just wrote back, “My best.”

@AndrewChamings

Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling “shrinking dog syndrome” while he’s on your lap

@StranDadAbroad

Them: Would you be interested in coaching soccer?

Me: No, that sounds outside.

@sarcasticmommy4

I hate it when my husband starts tossing around unnecessary words like “budget” & “shopaholic.”

@AtticusFinch79

I don’t mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he’s hiding in them waiting for me to get home.

@Dawn_M_

Age 10: I’m going to be a rockstar
Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday
Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me

@climaxximus

[family get together]

mom: has anyone seen grandmas dentures?

me with 64 teeth: ramma losht hur wat now?