Just had to Google synonyms for the word creative.
The irony is not lost on me.
I’m thinking about starting a car service for dogs called the Scooby D’uber
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78, 68, 77, 69, 78, 68, 75, 65, 75, 67, 79, 60
My mom & me, changing the thermostat behind each other’s backs.
I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out that spider monkeys are not half spider half monkey
[Trying to find space in a parking lot]
Astronaut: We are severely off course
*reads the label*
‘this pride may contain nuts*
*swells with pride*
Sometimes the trash takes out itself. Unfortunately, it usually runs its stupid mouth first.
Nurse: Taking you back into surgery. Something was sewn inside you.
Me: What? Can I talk to the surgeon?
[from my stomach] I’m right here
[interview at J Crew]
interviewer: explain this gap on your resume
me: they made me sign a pretty thorough non-disclosure agreement
Painting safety tip :
When house painting from a ladder,
never step back to admire your work.