“Good luck tomorrow.”
* Me confusing a random stranger *
I’m tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!
You Might Also Like
The adult life I imagined as a child involved less laundry and more group dance numbers.
I was at a Hanukkah party at my uncle’s house and one of my cousins was like, “hey look it’s bitcoin” and held up a piece of gelt that he’d taken a bite out of
Sex so bad the Oompa Loompas sang a song about it.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
Don’t blame me for the world’s problems, I was practically raised by the Muppets as a kid.
If you see a dog locked in a car on a hot day, it’s legal to teach it how to hotwire the vehicle and drive off in search of a better life.
Don’t believe that bullshit.
Failure is ALWAYS an option.
A sadist doctor keeps his stethoscope in a fridge
Really not sure what’s all the fuss about the Queen’s #Nazi salute, everyone knows ‘Scissors Beat Paper’