Trying this hot water diet where you drink a cup of hot water in the morning but so far all I’ve done is burn my tongue and eat 7 donuts.
I’m totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space
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My motto is “Grab Life by the Balls.”
As you might imagine, being dyslexic, I spend a lot of time apologizing to guys named “Leif.”
Relationships are like houseplants, if they’re mine they die
Fun Fact: If you hear small kids running around laughing hysterically, within 2 min. at least one will be on the floor crying hysterically.
Why is childbirth called “delivery” and not “take out?”
…u ok Nintendo?
It’s so reassuring when your nephew asks for your birth year and then replies with woah, did you go to war?
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he’ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
HIM: Do you have raisins?
ME: I have grapes and patience.
all the sexy dinosaurs went extinct during the flirtatious period