@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.

@RedRegenerated: cab driver: how was your meal? wife: it didn't go down as well as we'd hoped cab driver: that's too bad me: *still choking on a fish bone* why is no one helping me?

@LelooAssassin: only thing keeping me from being stripper is about 60 pounds

@secondofhername: Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background.

@Tmoney68: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.