(Hot girl walks in)
Brain: Alright don’t panic. Tell her she has beautiful hair. No wait tell her she has beautiful legs!
Me: Hi you have beautiful hairy legs.
Brain: My bad.
I’m watching a French show and the guy says, “oui, non, potato,” and the subtitles translate it to, “yes, no, maybe.”
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Me: There’s a bag for garbage under the sink.
I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great
I’m currently in a very serious relationship ,we don’t even smile .
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