This day in history. 2004. Ken announced that he had broken things off with Barbie but not to avoid another outrageously extravagant Valentine’s Day no not at all.
I’m watching a guy on tv who makes a living simply by having opinions about hockey wondering which one of us is the bigger pile of shit.
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Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
[grocery store, frozen aisle]
Me: *inhales, stretches arms high*
Clerk: ma’am are you doing yoga?
Me: oh no, I’m just trying to reach dinner peas
The human body is 70% water and 30% land
“Please go play with your brother. That’s basically the reason we had him.”
[at the ballet]
“Their feet must be killing them. Why don’t they just hire taller ballerinas?”
Co-worker insists on talking with his mouth full. No one can ever understand him. Wish we had a dentist was in the house to interpret.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the first rule of Patronising Club, because you’re so smart, sweetie. *boops your nose
[Trapped on a Island]
*Message in a bottle*
“Please send help!”
*Gets message back, months later*
“Linda invited you to play Candy Crush”
i love having one cat who is an incredibly beautiful tragic princèss and one cat who is just like WGGLLBBYLAAAHHH