HOT LOCAL SINGLES WANT TO MEET YOU SO THEIR FELONIOUS BOYFRIENDS CAN STEAL YOUR I-PHONE
I’m wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.
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License and registration please.
Are you drunk sir?
Stop saying bea-
*cop is mauled by bears*
This is your yearly reminder to not put bananas in fruit salads
Say “Literally” and “Legit” a few more times in that sentence so I know it’s literally legit
Hannah is single for a reason
I trimmed all the bushes in the front yard to make my house look bigger.
As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
I’ve never played Jenga, but I have had to extricate myself from a sleeping toddler in my bed, so I think I could handle it.
🙂 I’m happy
😉 Having a seizure. Still happy
:/ Having a stroke. Not happy
🙁 I’m a grouper
.) Lost an eye. Still happy