I wonder if anyone being chased by a bear has ever tried just turning around and saying in a really stern voice “NO…Bad Bear”?
I’m weird but not “sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I’ve got no plans to leave” weird. That stuff’s 4 serial killers.
You Might Also Like
[Life after lockdown]
My Hairstylist: WTF
The children were nestled
all snug in their beds
until they had to pee
get a drink
show me they can whistle
and ask me if birds have teeth.
Do you know who REALLY gets irony?
Cuz you gotta drop out to graduate!
*releases mic to float down on tiny parachute*
It’s widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words.
Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.
(me as a paramedic)
*rubbing two cymbals together*
*slams cymbals together*
Me: why do bad things happen to good people?
God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles*
God: *nods solemnly*
Where’s the hole?
*feels for it*
*tries to stick it in*
Damn it! Wrong hole.
*slides it in*
– Me, plugging in my charger in the dark.
My quarantine routine:
7 AM: (wake me up)
8 AM: wake me up inside
9 AM: (I can’t wake up)
3 PM: wake me up inside
4 PM: (SAAAAVE ME)
5 PM: CALL MY NAME AND SAAAAVE ME FROM THE DARK
6 PM: Pesto pasta, again
BAKER: Baking is a science that requires precision, timing, and accurate measurements. OK… 11, 12, 13. Anyway, here’s a dozen cupcakes.