imagime if introverts were as aggresive to extroverts as extroverts r to introverts
“why do u hav to socialize”
“why dont u stay in”

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Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.


A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages


Why is it called her “time of the month” and not “trouble in paradise?”


As I was leaving the car wash, a guy that works there told me to “have a day” and I thought, you know what, I will.


[grocery store]
DAD: [wearing a ski mask]
SON: this is so embarrassing
MOM: hush- your father gets nervous when we have to buy toilet paper


Airbnb’s should be required to tell you their wifi password before you book because I’m second guessing this place based on “fluffycream350”.


our anxious 4yo recently learned that all humans die. it was really tough, we all cried, but we got through it.

today he found out that all humans die at DIFFERENT TIMES and he’s LIVID


If Nicole Kidman had a child with Gary Oldman, the child’s last name would be Middleagedman


Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.


As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.

I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”