Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.
imagime if introverts were as aggresive to extroverts as extroverts r to introverts
“why do u hav to socialize”
“why dont u stay in”
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Why is it called her “time of the month” and not “trouble in paradise?”
As I was leaving the car wash, a guy that works there told me to “have a day” and I thought, you know what, I will.
DAD: [wearing a ski mask]
SON: this is so embarrassing
MOM: hush- your father gets nervous when we have to buy toilet paper
Airbnb’s should be required to tell you their wifi password before you book because I’m second guessing this place based on “fluffycream350”.
our anxious 4yo recently learned that all humans die. it was really tough, we all cried, but we got through it.
today he found out that all humans die at DIFFERENT TIMES and he’s LIVID
If Nicole Kidman had a child with Gary Oldman, the child’s last name would be Middleagedman
Get your relatives speaking to one another again by sending a heartfelt Christmas card with a picture of your family with an extra child nobody knows.
As I get older I realize my eyesight is not what it used to be.
I saw ‘whole eggs’ and read it as ‘whale eggs’ and for a minute I thought “whales lay eggs?”