I don’t believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I’d scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
imagine a crime show where an auntie accidentally solves crimes because she is so nosy
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I’m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I’ll never ever use one again. I’m so excited about it. Yes.
boy: you have really pretty eyes…
me: *suspicious* thank you…???
boy: *leans in slowly*
me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!
I always keep an empty milk bottle in the fridge just in case anyone wants a black coffee.
phd thesis: the amoumt of property damage depicted in a action movie is directley proportional to its budget
It’s all about perspective.
The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
Started as a twitter crush, moved on to twitter boyfriend, now he’s my twitter husband.
Honeymooning on Google+ so we can be alone.
If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter………. I’d be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
My GF called me “behind the times” today. I got so upset, I paused the VCR, paged my friends & asked them to fax me their best advice.