I love in films like 300 where the main guy will say something like “get some sleep, for tomorrow we battle to death”, and everyone just goes into deep sleep, in some wet grass, fully clothed. I can’t get to sleep in a warm bed if I have a 10am conference call about content.
Imagine going to the gym and there’s someone on the treadmill on all fours galloping
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Geppetto: Whew it’s a cold one.
G: Fire’s running low.
G: Wonder *sharpens axe* where I could get some wood.
Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can’t pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer
A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he’s wearing TOMS and you can’t stop laughing.
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I’m taking a selfie and you’re in the background
Here’s another great thing about hot tubs [pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under the water]
Wife: We have 4 kids already, I think we should start using protection!
Me: haha yes I’ll sort it
Son: Dad can I have-
Bouncer: Step back
Don’t judge. Maybe I’m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don’t know.
angel: where’d all the zebras go?
God: I put ’em in the desert
angel: dude their camouflage was for the snow
God: I know lol
why they heating my vaccine up on a spoon