A local man died after a shelf full of routers fell on him.
It was an unexpected LAN slide.
Imagine having the best possible excuse to not see family for the holidays and then just… not using it?
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I hope that if I ever have to call 9-1-1 for an emergency an essential oil person is not the operator.
Help, I’m hurt.
Teacher: Is that Timmy’s Mother?
Teacher: It’s Timmy’s Maths teacher. I just wanted you to know, it looks like we have a little professor Stephen Hawking on our hands
Me: Oh wow! That’s amaz…
Teacher: Yeah there’s been a terrible accident
Me: I just killed a HUGE spider!
Him: It was actually a piece of yarn.
Me: A HUGE, scary piece of yarn!
BRUCE WAYNE: [enters meeting room still wearing Batman cape] what’s first today?
NEW GUY: OMG Bruce Wayne is Bat-
INTERN: [covering new guy’s mouth] we pretend we don’t know
Me: Would you like to be a model?
Me: are you comfortable with nudity?
Why is it called a bathroom towel and not a john linen?
I could tell you the story of breaking my arm sledding but be warned, it goes downhill fast.
You tell one kid there’s candy inside an electrical outlet that can only be retrieved with a fork and you’re never asked to babysit again
[consoling grieving widow]
so I guess you’ll be looking for a new owner for his pokémon collection?