@canadasandra

Imagine me with poor grammar. Wrong. Worser.

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@TheLesbianTwin

a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!

@daddydoubts

My 2yo held my face in his hands and whispered oh-so seriously: “don’t go to work daddy, stay with me.”

And so, I am never going to work again.

@joci2203

*does hair and makeup*

*drives to the gym, takes selfie*

*leaves*

@missrobotnik

The ladies in my knitting club think it’s hilarious when I greet them by saying, “Sup, my knittas?!”

@iGreenMonk

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

Unless your problem is always admitting things then I don’t really know how to help you.

@SadPeruna

Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don’t have friends.

@Sickayduh

Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn’t Asian