Finally found the perfect background for my zoom meetings
Imagine your relief if you had a dream your daughter was dating a DJ then woke up & remembered she was dating a ferris wheel operator.
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*Jesus sits down at the bar*
“The boss says we have to start charging you for water”
Before marriage: Kisses
After marriage: Hisses
My husband is back from hunting. Thanks for nothing, bears.
Some people make mountains out of mole hills, some people make a competition out of crazy
Really, iTunes? You need to update my calculator app? Have there been changes to basic math that I’m unaware of?
My dog: WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL HOME
Reward me for consistency please
“Oh yeah, that thing you REALLY liked last time? Well guess what YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN”
“Ok Noah, that’s 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?”
“Yea I did, it had lipstick on?”
Nope, raise the anchor