@badbanana: Immortality would suck. I don't want to spend the next 800 years trying to explain Gangnam Style to my great-grandfather.
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@JohnLyonTweets: I just brushed my hair while wearing a fuzzy sweater and now I can make a streetlight come on by touching it.
@caithuls: [calling front desk] ME: Hey can y'all wash these sheets for me CONCIERGE: Uh oh something naughty? ME: [thinking about how I made myself into a blanket burrito with real beans] yah
@kyry5: The Constitution has barely been altered in 200 years, but my $300 textbook is worth $0.82 bc they came out with a new edition mid-semester.