@Shot_Of_Cabo

Impress your wife by cleaning something she just cleaned and then proudly announce, “There! Now it’s clean.”

You Might Also Like

@KevinGetem

Teachers call it “Going to the bathroom”. We call it “I’m bored, I’m gonna go wander around school.”

@imabbylouise

I have nothing in common with people that say, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”

@BuckyIsotope

Were PacMan and Ms.PacMan married or brother and sister? Have some fanfic that’s either really awesome or really disturbing riding on this.

@tastefactory

“What’s taking the pharmacist so long? It’s just one prescription”
*behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*

@zachheltzel

Never tell a psycho that they’re psycho, because then they feel like they’re obligated to prove it.

@ShortSleeveSuit

ME: have you seen my briefcase?

HIM: I found it and turned it into the front desk

ME: dammit man how am I gonna carry that home now?

@EJT___

11 famous chickens who flew the coop, number 7 will surprise you

– cluckbait

@KBChicken75

Stop fingering it and put it in your mouth is not the best choice of words when speaking to your teenager about her dinner..
I know this now