Im sorry I yelled “GARY LIKED STAR WARS EPISODE ONE” when the pastor asked if anyone knew of a reason why you and Gary shouldn’t be married
In a parallel universe, one sock goes in the washer/dryer and two come out.
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dora: jeez we’re really lost
boots: dora i’m freezing
backpack: we need a fire
the map: what should we use to start it?
the map: oh no
dora: *holding a lighter* this IS all your fault
[in the insect dissection room]
Your fly is open.
Me: I must warn you, I’m like an animal in bed.
Her: That’s fine by me!
*burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*
When I die i’m donating half my body to science and half my body to a magician
I told my husband not to get me anything for Valentine’s Day, now we wait…
“Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now.”
-extreme home makeover
Why is it called a “family who really enjoys artificially flavored drink mixes” and not a “‘Wooh, Tang!’ Clan”?
Oh, so when a survivor takes an arrow to the head, it’s a “tragedy.”
But when a zombie get hit, it’s a “good kill.”