Flowers bee like
M: Do that thing I like
H: *sighs [puts on British redcoat uniform] I have your tea
M: I WILL NEVER PAY YOUR TAXES
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Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he’s-
Son: Dad please don’t…
Dad: Lawn gone.
A moment of silence for those who sacrificed themselves to determine which mushrooms taste good with pasta, which are fun & which kill you.
Here’s a step by step guide to staircases
*gives you a handrail*
The hay in baby Jesus’s manger came from Christian Bales.
Just remembered that time on here that a British person complained about how all other countries have an independence day and the United Kingdom doesn’t
My wife is gorgeous, selfless, amazing, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
My safe word is “I WANT YOUR BABIES”
Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That’s it. No more reading!