Home Alone (1990)
A know-it-all, suburban elitist cruelly humiliates two economically anxious men, seeking to improve their lives
In Canada, Miles Davis is known as Kilometers Davis.
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I think “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” has given my youngest unrealistic expectations. Today, we talked about putting away the tree, and he said, “No, WE don’t have to. The Grinch is supposed to come to our house and take it away.”
My new career path:
1. Learn soccer
2. Move to Ghana
3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer
Experts determine Super Bowl blackout was an electrical issue, also determine grass has a green issue.
doctor: how are you feeling
me: with nerve endings, you should really know this
Your resume just says “I’m a mom”. Why in the world would I hire you?
Me: BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT’S WHY!
her: do u like dogs or cats better
me: [reading menu] what page are u on
me: goodnight moon
me: [pumping shotgun] forever
Family: come play dodgeball
Fam: oh come on
Me: no thanks
Fam: JUST PLAY
Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*
My kids both made it into college despite the fact I helped them with their math homework.