Wake up, kids! Bees can’t even read, much less spell. IT’S A SCAM!
In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
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fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due
me: say it
fred: pls no
me: i’m not paying
fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due
Overheard at the coffee shop:
“Do the banana-nut muffins contain nuts?”
Natural Selection, I believe that’s your cue.
me: you ever get half way thru a sentence and completely forget what you were taking about lol
bank teller: something about a gun
Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown
The inventor of Gogurt has died. He would like you to open his urn along the dotted line and splatter half the ashes all over your shirt.
Whenever you’re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there’s people that pay money to exercise.
Grab a plate and throw it on the floor. Did it break? Yes? Ok, now tell it you’re sorry. Good, now, did it unbreak? No? Now you understand.
Hey everyone, my mom’s following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks
I don’t like Haiku because you have to do poetry AND math.