If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
You Might Also Like
Her: I love Christmas.
Me (trying to impress her): *Pretending I got a phone call* Sorry, it’s my boss, I need to take this. Yes? Oh, hello SANTA.
Are you okay?
Did you take your cold medicine?
Why are you so nervous?
I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions
everyone says “writers don’t matter” until two guys with no clue how to tell a story are tasked with bringing an end to your favorite show.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me….then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means “Doing the Facebook”. Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.
If I can make even one person laugh on here then I’m not doing my job.
The job I actually get paid for.
Robber: Give me all your money.Otherwise you are chemistry!
ME: Don’t you mean history?
R: Don’t change the subject!
*Both start laughing
Monopoly made me believe there would more bank errors in my favour as an adult.
*orders large pizza*
“Let’s do this…wait”
“Safety first,” I whisper as I unbutton my jeans.