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@worley_7: In dog beers I've only had 2.
@JamesBlunt: Happy Birthday to me. 27 years old… in Spice Girl years.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I mostly do what I want, but sometimes the US court system has an opinion.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Hello
M: How's my kid doing in school?
T: How's my kid doing in school?
I hate parrot teacher conferences
@PartyBitchKayla: advice to my younger self: dont bang that old man on his helicopter he’s not joe biden
@splegge: Put a pill in wife's mouth while asleep
"WTF you doing?"
"for your headache."
"I don't have one!"
Just what I wanted to hear!