@JimGaffigan: In email they should change “Save As New” to “Ugh, I’ll Deal With That Later.”
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@FrankCurtisB: I never tell people about how the pens on my desk double as excellent ball-scratchers BEFORE they put them in their mouths. That'd be silly.
@ConanOBrien: According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of “The Apprentice.”