Vegetarian? Sea kelp.
Cannibal? Seek help.
In every successful relationship the MAN always has the last word – “Yes Dear.”
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SEVEN DEADLY SINS
Calling me instead of just texting
Nobody notices how sad you are until it turns into anger and you’re feeding them into a wood chipper
I’m the Cinderella of finding one shoe at a sale and not finding the other and losing my own along the way.
The national language is Yeet. Your daughter’s fiancé is a YouTuber whose legal name is Landon FTW.
“I’m not racist but…” – Britain
*sees Salvation Army bell ringer*
“Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!”
“Sir, we don’t accept children.”
Oranges got their name from their orange juice-like flavor and orange juice-like color.
Daughter likes bananas.
Daughter likes banana bread.
Daughter won’t eat this banana bread because it tastes too much like bananas.
Worst things to discover while skydiving
1) chute won’t open
2) a bear