Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Jury Foreman: Well…I guess I just look right at him. Why — isn’t that how you do it?
me: *sad* why am I here?
satan: you’re a murderer
me: what? no I’m not
satan: oh no? *rolls footage of my 3rd grade dance recital* you absolutely SLAYED, guuuuuuurl
me: *blushing* aww
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Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
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No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over his face.
I still cook my turkey the old fashioned way, I let my mom do it.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
My motto is “Grab Life by the Balls.”
As you might imagine, being dyslexic, I spend a lot of time apologizing to guys named “Leif.”