@UnimpressedWU

In lieu of exercise, accidentally send your text to the wrong person to get your heart rate up

You Might Also Like

@ArfMeasures

WIFE: Let’s role-play
ME: OK
W: U be a teacher
*I get up & leave*
W: Where u going?
M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I’ve got to do?

@Dawn_M_

Some of you have had some fabulous public meltdowns this year.

From all of us, thank you x

@thenatewolf

*You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.

*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.

@jellybnbonanza

I’ll be the first to admit when I’m wrong, I mean, I’ll be kicking and screaming the whole time, but I’ll do it.

@1Happytwit

They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn’t mean to eat it. I don’t want to be a bug.

@KKAlThani

Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted.

@stuckinaportal

sexyaardvark69 [username taken]
sexywombat69 [username taken]
sexyplatypus69 [username taken]

sorry this might take a while…

@RealDMK

Buy followers?

No thanks. I’m married so I spend enough money on people I don’t talk to

@SteveKoehler22

Damn you, Autocorrect !

Why do you keep changing a word
into something that makes no sense ?

You are the banner of my existence.

@AbbieEvansXO

[two weeks into the zombie apocalypse]

Me: [ventures outside] oh my god there’s a zombie apocalypse