WIFE: Let’s role-play
W: U be a teacher
*I get up & leave*
W: Where u going?
M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I’ve got to do?
In lieu of exercise, accidentally send your text to the wrong person to get your heart rate up
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Some of you have had some fabulous public meltdowns this year.
From all of us, thank you x
*You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.
*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.
I’ll be the first to admit when I’m wrong, I mean, I’ll be kicking and screaming the whole time, but I’ll do it.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn’t mean to eat it. I don’t want to be a bug.
Kristen Stewart always looks like she just found out she was adopted.
sexyaardvark69 [username taken]
sexywombat69 [username taken]
sexyplatypus69 [username taken]
sorry this might take a while…
No thanks. I’m married so I spend enough money on people I don’t talk to
Damn you, Autocorrect !
Why do you keep changing a word
into something that makes no sense ?
You are the banner of my existence.
[two weeks into the zombie apocalypse]
Me: [ventures outside] oh my god there’s a zombie apocalypse