This is the scariest thing I’ve ever read
in lieu of flowers call my wife and pretend to be me from beyond the grave. my d.o.b. is 5/24 and my mom’s name is kathy.
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Due to the quarantine I’ll only be telling inside jokes.
Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.
AH WONDERFUL I SEE THE JOB APPLICATION HAS CHOSEN TO IGNORE MY BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED RESUME IN LIEU OF MAKING ME ENTER MY INFORMATION LINE BY LINE ONTO SOME SORT OF WEBSITE FROM THE 1800S
Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad.
No, he would not have.
Mumble rap was invented by a guy trying to repeat what his wife just said after she caught him not listening.
T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test?
T: No I have other student’s stuff to grade S: I have other teacher’s homework to do.
Back off. I’ve got enough to deal with today without having to make your death look like an accident.
my cousin asked if I wanted to hold her baby and I told her I have ringworm