10-year-old: Did you learn cursive in school?
Me: I sure did.
10: Did you have electricity?
We learned by candlelight.
in marvel’s DEFENDERS, our heroes must combine their powers – being good at punching, punching people well, having strong punches, good punc
You Might Also Like
They’re not called “butt hole mirrors.” They’re called “hand mirrors,” according to this clerk at Walgreens.
ROBIN: You didn’t name everything in the bathroom after you, too, did you?
BATMAN: Of course not
BATMAN: OK, yes, there’s batshampoo
BATMAN: But there’s also conditioner gordon
If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking “ghosts” questions.
Honored sirs, I am PRINCE KIELSEN and I am contacting you with exciting opportunity. I recently inherited an island but need a small amount of cash. Send a money order for $600,000,000 to my account and I will give you “Greenland.”
11yo: Daddy, why can’t we get a dog?
Me: I like our house the way it is.
11: What, small?
Me: Go to your drawer.
Me: … No worries!
Narrator: There were, in fact, many worries.
Anytime I see a teacher sitting backwards in a chair, I’m like, “Oh damn. This guy is about to test the boundaries of traditional education”
“Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, GUYS!”
(telling a ghost story)
You know those knocking noises you hear at night? That’s adulthood coming for you!
*all the adults start screaming*