Mouse astronaut, six seconds after setting foot on the moon: I have been lied to
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don’t think I can keep watching movies
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As an ultimate act of selflessness, someday I will travel to a 3rd world country and adopt a small, less fortunate highway.
Whoever said “Just showing up is half the battle” (a) didn’t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.
[pitching a tent]
INVESTOR: this really isn’t a new idea
If your kid asks for a napkin it’s already too late.
Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate
*on time travel bus* oh you’re going back to kill hitler? uh yeah totally, me too *pulls jacket over spice girls world tour ’98 t shirt*
You call it the Friend Zone. I call it Palcatraz.
My superpower- Finding shortest checkout line that takes the most time.
my (38F) identical twin daughters (11F) met at summer camp and have unionized