@gobmentcheese: In my family, we settle all disputes by pointing out the other's short comings and failures and whoever starts crying first loses.
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@_little_old_me: A man offered to help me put my groceries in the car & I was all like, "Nice try, Ted Bundy."
@ParasiteHilton: *watches Forensic Files for tips* *taps pencil* *scribbles "DON'T GET CAUGHT"* *taps pencil* *pauses* *underlines it*
@GrantTanaka: *deep fries turkey *deep fries deck *deep fries backyard *deep fries house *deep fries neighborhood *deep fries los angeles
@dubstep4dads: i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed