Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ve got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You’ll get that moon eventually. He’ll pay for what he did.
In the event of a robot invasion, show them a photo and ask them to point out the street signs. It fries their circuits and they explode.
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Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.
Shockingly Pitbull’s first name isn’t Feat.
A guy in my class stopped me today as I was walking out and said “I gotta show you this girl she’s your literal twin” and then showed me my own Instagram
If you see a cat with a dart in it, that’s my cat and I need him back, we aren’t done yet.
wife: don’t eat that, u know it won’t agree with u
me: yes it will
taco: no I won’t
If drinking too much alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking too much Fanta make you fantastic?
Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class.
Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!
Stop screaming. Lots of people rub their eyes with toes.
The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery.
Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism.