She thinks I make bad decisions
“He picked a fight with a raccoon”
HE LOOKED LIKE A CRIMINAL, KAREN
In the old days if you wanted to hit snooze you had to shoot the rooster with a tranq dart that lasted exactly 9 minutes
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Ok hear me out.
It’s an airplane made out of cats.
It cant crash. Always lands on it’s feet.
The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn’t, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don’t know who’s winning
corona got the club empty asf me and the DJ just chillin listening to frank ocean with the strobe lights goin rn
Coronavirus and Animal Crossing is like that one summer with Pokémon GO but like…..opposite.
She uses her boyfriends toothbrush without his knowledge and wears his underwear every day….I eat a dog biscuit ONCE and I’M the weirdo???
Me: hey, I’m looking for an email.
iPhone mail: this one from 2012, unrelated to your search?
Me: no it was last week
iPhone: can’t find it.
Area 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana Offer
I took two years of anger management courses
Now I’m the manager of four brand new anger stores