#TheResistance is everywhere! #ScienceMarch #EarthDay
[in the park]
Me: Aww I see you have a puppy too…
Her: uh huh, I guess…
Me: [walks off dragging a beer can on a string]
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Bully gets me in a headlock not realizing my entire head is pre-slathered in fish oil and I just slip right out! The janitor chants my name.
me: any clue how my house burned down
me: *sadly* yeah I guess it does
making better choices in 2020:
-everyone expects it
making worse choices in 2020:
-arguably more impressive
-no one expects it
-“how were there worse choices”, they will say
HER: I’m ending this
HER: you’re way too literal
ME: I promise I can change
HER: prove it
ME: *puts on a different shirt*
One way to tell if what you’re watching isn’t really news is if the person is shouting at you.
The only thing I arouse is suspicion.
Nurse: ‘Have you had any adverse reactions to vaccines previously?’
Me: ‘I understand I screamed a lot as a child.’
me: *kicking stirrups* go on now git
gynecologist: stop that
I always carry bananas in my purse in case I’m ever chased by bad guys…
…or a giant gorilla.
~Super Mario’s mom probably