My 7 year old was tapping away on my Mac tonight and told me he was writing a book. I think you’ll agree it’s one hell of an opening.
“IN THIS CORNER.. DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON”
*the rock beats chest*
AND IN THIS CORNER… RYAN “PAPER” WALLACE
*the rock is visibly nervous*
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It’s bullshit that my dog is a licensed therapy dog and he can’t prescribe medication
As an incredibly powerful, mostly evil, very attractive supernatural being, I have one weakness:
A female protagonist who has just turned sixteen and thinks there’s nothing special about her at all.
Her: I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you
*she stabs me
She: Yes I did. You never listen.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Roses are red, so is my wine.
Refill my glass and I’ll be just fine.
*emptying jar of coins into coinstar* “almost done”
so where are we going after this?
“We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies.” – Top Secret NSA Memo
me: we named you after our favorite films
paul blart: i hate you
wife: you should be proud of your names
paul blart 2: you’re monsters
My first language is typo.