The act of licking afros.
Inception (2010) – Five men and one woman plot to nap on a plane.
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Just now on tube. Man in rush loses coat draped round shoulders in train doors. Woman retrieves it and calls out ‘Batman, your cape.’
Waking up in 2016: [immediately makes coffee]
Waking up in 2017: [immediately checks to see if WW3 has started]
The pumpkins called. Even they think it’s too early.
IM ALMOST POSITIVE THATS JUST A COOKIE
TOM HARDY: ‘I am a necessary evil!’
TOM SOFTY: ‘I can’t have anything too spicy before bed.’
*tying a ton of balloons to my neighbor’s dog* Good boy, Oliver, now take your incessant barking to the sky
I don’t have an alarm clock, unless you count my dog’s bladder.
Me: (sliding a $50 bill in my palm over) What do you say we call it 175 and move on?
Nurse: Sir, just please step on the scale.
I swear if one more person RT’s poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse’s haunting imagery.