INCORRECT PUNCTUATION STARTS FIGHTS:
Happy April Fools!!!
Happy April, Fools!!!
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security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!
I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.
Wife – We’re invited to a gender reveal party.
Me – I always knew Ralph wanted to be a woman.
W – It’s for a baby
Me – Ralph is pregnant?
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!”
*A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower*
Im on a date I want to leave how do i leave without-nevermind I said that out loud he left
[Driving by a massive pile up]
SON: Look at all the different colours of cars in the crash.
ME: It’s a collidascope.
WIFE: It’s too early in the day to hate you this much.
I don’t see any former child prodigies/spelling bee champions solving any of the world’s problems. Thanks for nothing, you little burn-outs.
“People want to drink a panic attack.” — inventor of 5 Hour Energy
ME: what’s an owl’s favorite band
ME: the Byrds lmao
DATE: … wait why wouldn’t it be the Who
ME: i like you, charlotte. this was nice. but i think i’d like to go home now.