@kelkulus: India launched a rocket to Mars this morning. That's a heck of a place to put a call centre.
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@trevso_electric: Isn't it so awkward when you misplace a Rolex? It's like, do I want to tell people that there's a free Rolex on the loose? Relatable, right?
@PLATINUM2000: My daughter thought putting glue on her hands would help her walk up the walls, we're both a little disappointed that it didn't work.
@iwearaonesie: *takes glass out of dishwasher* *doesn't know where it goes* *leaves on counter* *wife puts it back in dishwasher* *repeat for last 7 years*
@ArfMeasures: [Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not