Good, good, good, if it isn’t that guy who isn’t very well at grammar
*Indian sending smoke signals* Buffalo… Coming… *other Indian replies* New… Fire… Who… Dis?
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You say “tomato”, I say “flamingo”. I also put goldfish in my armpits. My opinion should be ignored.
People coming over.
Me: *tidies up*
Husband: *fires up the bbq*
Toddler: *removes all clothing*
Interviewer: what’s your biggest weakness?
Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that’s for sure
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T LIST THOR AS AN EMERGENCY BACKUP?!?!
I do the same thing every other woman my age does in the shower. Argue with people in my head.
Who’s this “moderation” character people keep telling me to drink with?
According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, “I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store.”
Yesterday I watched a YouTube tutorial on how to install a chandelier.
Today I’m watching a YouTube tutorial on how to clean up after a chandelier fire.
6am: Too tired
8am: This isn’t so bad
1pm: OMG so tired
10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS