Wife leaves: Ok.
Wifi leaves: NOOOOOOOOOO. I can change!
Indiana Jones: It belongs in a museum!
Me: *running away* Leave my sexy booty alone
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Why don’t Elvis impersonators call themselves the next best King?
Dear Tech Support,
I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
Awwww finally got my nose pierced this morning.
Never fight over a bus seat with an old lady who’s knitting.
My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now I’m worried I married a witch
“Rogue One” idea:
The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander.
Boldly – regally – he strides into the room.
“Mesa Jar-Jar Binks”
mom: what’s that internet thing called, “scream shitting”?
[Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship]
*down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands*
MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!
This is absolutely my favourite thing written about #FyreFestival
if I were Sleeping Beauty I would have killed the prince who woke me up