@funflaps

Indiana Jones: It belongs in a museum!

Me: *running away* Leave my sexy booty alone

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@Darlainky

Why don’t Elvis impersonators call themselves the next best King?

@thisislizz

Dear Tech Support,

I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?

@farouq_yahaya

Awwww finally got my nose pierced this morning.

Never fight over a bus seat with an old lady who’s knitting.

@DadBroDad1

My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now I’m worried I married a witch

@GlumGeorgeLucas

“Rogue One” idea:

The spies anxiously wait to meet their new commander.

Boldly – regally – he strides into the room.

“Mesa Jar-Jar Binks”

@queuethorn

mom: what’s that internet thing called, “scream shitting”?
me: …
me: shitposting?
mom: SHITPOSTING.

@Brampersandon_

[Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship]

*down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands*

MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!

@CosRyan

This is absolutely my favourite thing written about #FyreFestival