We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@AndyAsAdjective: *inhales helium from balloon*
I think we should see other people.
@thedad: Me: *showing photos on my phone* that's my daughter in her play, and that's my son covered in mud
Colleague without kids: *pointing at his phone* this is me in the Bahamas, and that's my Porsche
Me: Let's not do this anymore
@brennadine: Sorry I said your mom's beef stroganoff was stroganawful.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Quick question: How many bowls of mac and cheese can you eat during a Skype job interview before you look unprofessional?
@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
@DitzMcGeee: beer bottle: if you break me? you get 1 year of bad luck.
mirror: aww, that's cute. break me? you'll get 7 years of bad luck!
condom: *walks away laughing*