[keeps slapping empty glass ketchup bottle until the entire cafe is silent]
Insane Clown Posse is really giving a bad name to all the rational clown posses out there.
You Might Also Like
Me: My friend really likes you.
Her: I’m a lesbian.
Me: Ah ok…
Me: So… What part of Lesbia are you from?
Me: I’m making home made soup.
H: Nice, what’s in it?
Me: *Reads ingredients from packet.
“Honey, it’s not that I don’t like your cooking, it’s just that the smoke’s about to asphyxiat our family.”
“WHAT’D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??”
My name is
My name is
My name is [chka chka] Slim Shady
*scribbles on cup* “Ok Mr Shrimp Scabies, I’ll start your latte”
[makes a voodoo doll of my dad]
[does basic stretches on it every night so he keeps his flexibility well into his 60s]
Fact: A good beer will not lose its label after sitting in a cooler of ice water all week.
Related: Why is there still beer in the cooler??
Someone just called me the GOAT. That’s what I get for chewing on a tin can behind a barn.
Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat.
This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it’s married.. so it’ll just get drunk.